My last blog post covered a lot of my feelings on certainty and uncertainty. Throughout the last week, the word “surrender” has come up after talking about that blog post. It comes up in conversation, in books, in articles I read online. It’s everywhere.
I took this as a sign that the Universe wants me to surrender. What does it mean to surrender? To me, it means giving all my worries, stress, anxiety, problems, fear, to-do lists, everything up to the Universe and putting my complete trust in it.
No. Holding. Back.
I decided to take these cues and give myself the opportunity to surrender. I found a yin yoga class on Yogaglo that covered this very topic. I started the class, and I surrendered here and there, but for the challenging poses, I just did not give in. I didn’t feel like it. Something was blocking me. I still don’t know what that was. My body was hardly willing to try the tougher poses. I gave up on them, and then I asked myself, “What does this represent?”
Did it mean that I had to hang on to my baggage? Did it mean that I wouldn’t take any step forward? Did it mean that I don’t trust the Universe? What the fuck did it all mean?
The next day, I tried again. This time, I did a Kundalini yoga video from the teacher I had in Bali. This video was appropriately titled “Surrendering All To A Higher Power.” It involves holding one pose, for 11 minutes. You read that correctly. 11 minutes. I was on my back, with my arms straight up above me and my legs above me in a 90-degree angle. In Bali, I held this pose for 9 minutes. I had attempted this video once after Bali, and I failed miserably.
During the video, everything hurt. My arms hurt. My legs hurt. My back hurt. Sat Siri, the teacher, said that we tend to move away from the pain, not just in a yoga pose, but in life. What if we moved into the pain to see where it took us? That’s exactly what I did. I moved into the posture instead of away from it. It’s precisely what I’m doing in life. I’m moving further into all of the uncertainty rather than running away from it.
I surrendered every worry, problem, fear, negative thought, positive thought, neutral thought. As I held the pose, I gave my all to the Universe and said, “Here I am. I can deal with whatever you give me. Look at me. Look at what I can handle. Allow me to do your will.” It was a beautiful, powerful, and emotional moment.
And then Sat Siri, led me into the breaths to close the pose, and it was over. 11 minutes. Done. I came out of it in a daze, and in a way, I’m still in that daze.
The feeling I’ve had since surrendering is that of being content. I feel like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. And of course, right after I did this, the Universe opened some incredible part-time opportunities up to me. It’s amazing what happens when you trust, and when you surrender.
I’d love to hear about a time when you surrendered, and what the outcome was for you. Please share in the comments below, or if you’d like to keep it private, please send me a message here.