My sabbatical is done. And I have mixed emotions about where I am now.
First, the sabbatical was the greatest gift I could ever give myself. I was able to do that because of what I saved up while working at Salesforce. I have a tremendous amount of gratitude to that company. They are so good to their employees when it comes to salary and perks. This sabbatical might not have been possible without the benefits I received from working there.
My motto for 2015 is “embrace the uncertainty.” Now that I need to bring in an income again, my future is very uncertain. I still know, without a doubt, that I want to work for myself. I took this sabbatical to figure out what kind of business I wanted to build. I’ll be honest…I still don’t know.
I know I want to build something around connection, but that is SO vague. I’ve been hoping for this ONE idea or topic to come to me while on this sabbatical. The ONE concept I could build a thriving business around, and then live out my dream of working for myself. The ONE product or service that would surely exemplify my most creative work. That ONE thing hasn’t come to me yet.
I was beating myself up over this during the last few weeks. At times, I felt like a failure for not figuring out my ONE thing. I came to a point last weekend where I decided to stop moping about all this. I’ve been putting a ton of pressure on myself to find the answer.
After a lot of meditation, and Kundalini practice, this statement came to me: If the ONE hasn’t come to me yet, it’s perfectly OK.
Every other aspect of my life is just perfect right now. So what if I don’t have my business idea yet? I’m still living and breathing each day. I’m still getting offers for freelance work and odd jobs coming in. I still have a wonderful family and an incredible boyfriend. I still live in paradise. Why am I sulking over my business? Why am I letting the inner voice get me down about this?
I chose to embrace the uncertainty this year, and right now, it’s uncertain as to what my professional path will be. I know that I want to build a business that serves others and connects people. I’m NOT a failure just because I don’t have that business figured out yet. I DO have things in-the-works, like a Udemy course, a Fiverr gig, and a weekly show on Periscope. Slowly but surely, I AM taking courageous action!
This quote from Maya Angelou says it all:
I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.
My wings are open! I’m loving this life of flexibility and freedom while I do freelance work and odd jobs. Actually, it keeps things quite interesting every day! It’s time to stop putting so much pressure on myself. It’s time to give myself permission to just live each day feeling connection, joy, and love. Then, I’ll see where the Universe takes me.