Certainty. It’s both an angel and a devil.
During the Enter The Heart retreat, Mastin Kipp taught us about the six basic human needs. The need for certainty comes first.This is the need that encompasses safety, survival, and comfort. Since I’m not qualified to teach the explanation behind it, I’ll turn to this quote from a blog post on The Daily Love:
“We all need a sense of certainty in our lives. A relationship isn’t going to last very long if we don’t have a sense of certainty about our partner’s faithfulness to us. If we weren’t certain our job was going to keep paying us, we would probably stop working there. We all have a sense of certainty that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. Certainty can be awesome, but it can also hold us back.” – Mastin Kipp
I learned that I was not only meeting my need for certainty, but I was exceeding the need by far. I lived and died by my calendar. I planned out every detail of every outing. I checked my phone a gazillion times a day waiting for responses from people so that I could continue to plan. Certainty was driving me nuts, and I had no clue that I was sabotaging myself. My mind was never present to fully appreciate the moments that life was giving me.
What if all you have is certainty? That’s a pretty boring life. That’s the life I was setting up for myself. Somewhere along the way, I equated certainty with feeling safe. I didn’t step outside of certainty because I didn’t want to feel unsafe. I didn’t handle change well because it represented uncertainty, and my attitude in these situations was…well, I could be a downright bitch.
In Bali, I realized that was not the person I wanted to be. I needed to scale back on my need for certainty, which leads me to the second need on the list of the six basic human needs: Uncertainty. More on that in a future post so stay tuned!
Do you feel like you have a need for more certainty in your life, or less? Why?
*This post is part of a 30-day series called “Getting Unstuck” in which I’m trying to figure out my next professional step by getting out of my comfort zone and taking on various challenges. Follow along by subscribing to my weekly email list here.